• No change was expected a week into the immunosuppressants and no change has occurred. The rash which turns to bruises continues to move around my body.
• My therapist finally brought up medication which makes me wonder if I'm—in the way that I can do—trying to not burden her with the truth of my feelings and experiences, because I'm shocked this has not come up before.
• I have to take a break from keeping up with long covid research, it's far too depressing and I already know too much.
• I'm starting medical leave again. I wish long covid didn't take up and hold me back from so much of life. I'd love to be doing more things, making friends, thinking about open source sustainability and my career.
• But for now and the foreseeable future I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me or how to figure out what's wrong with me and how to keep my head above water mentally while alone and untethered.
• No routine, no regular humans, no work, no idea which day will be a good day much less what my state will be in a month or two.
• But thankful for what I do have right now with my particular long covid and trying to hold on to a tiny bit of hope that treatments get better, that more people mask and ventilation improves and participating in society becomes less of disablisation lottery.

Published on — Sun Oct 15 2023